whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
