I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
