"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
