It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
