"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
