Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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