my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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