just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize