he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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