Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
