did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
