porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
