I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
