on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
