All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
