OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
