i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
