I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
