i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
