Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
