i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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