Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
