when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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