You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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