Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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