Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
