jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
