he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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