When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
