capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
