so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
