how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize