well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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