just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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