At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Congratulations! We have a period
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
