Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
