Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my liver is dry heaving
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
