i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
