The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
