grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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