Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
