i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the condom got lost in my hair
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
