her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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