I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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