It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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