pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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