I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
