remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
