Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
