YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
