it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
