i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
