she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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