she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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