he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
