his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
