You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
