HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
