I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
