Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
