you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
