i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I deserve this hangover.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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