More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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