There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
