I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
