I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
