i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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