Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
