why didn't you poke me back
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
