I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
