a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
