I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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