I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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