i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
