How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
