Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
