Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
