I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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