i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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