Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
