i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
