I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
