Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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