another moral hangover. fuck.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
