You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
