You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
