I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
