You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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