how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
