once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
