Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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