a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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