I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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