I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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