sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
