Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
