So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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