its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
