Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
