would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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